Practicing my stand up with a bottle of hand sanitizer. See me TONIGHT at 8pm at RFD off Gallery Pl metro!
I’M PERFORMING STAND UP TOMORROW @ RFD near Gallery Place metro. 8pm!
I would love to be a piece of shit. I might sound crazy, but have you ever been on a water slide? Those things are a blast!
Apple is like FUBU in China. #FUBU jokes. Remember FUBU??
Ironically after the snow, the funeral home had the clearest sidewalk. You’d think they’d try to swing a little extra business
The guy in Memento was probably victim to a lot of regifting
I forgot about Robin Williams’s random underwater mermaid orgy in Hook! Wtf!
SNL should invite Sinead O’Connor on to rip a photo of her husband, glue it together, than rip it gain
Rumors say Lindsay Lohan might play Elizabeth Taylor in a biopic. The film will portray the last years of Taylor’s life. ZING
Ladies, learn a little bathroom etiquette please. When you’re done, put the seat BACK UP
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