I write jokes. Sometimes I perform them. I give birth to them here.justin's epiphunnies - jmush.comTumblr (3.0; @jmush)http://jmush.tumblr.com/Heidi Klum has officially changed her name to Heidi Samuel, taking Seal’s last name. Alternate...<p>Heidi Klum has officially changed her name to Heidi Samuel, taking Seal’s last name. Alternate headline: SEAL’S LAST NAME IS SAMUEL</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/255294409http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/255294409Tue, 24 Nov 2009 00:48:51 -0500Looking for a place in DC? My friend Paola is looking for roommates for her apartment ASAP. Let me...<p>Looking for a place in DC? My friend Paola is looking for roommates for her apartment ASAP. Let me know if you want details.</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/254792610http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/254792610Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:32:58 -0500Huge thanks to Chris McMorrow and Tyler Budde for coming through BIG today. Awesome people.<p>Huge thanks to Chris McMorrow and Tyler Budde for coming through BIG today. Awesome people.</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/253881565http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/253881565Sun, 22 Nov 2009 22:57:32 -0500Completed work on my short film “Cyber Sex.” It’s going to be online within a...<p>Completed work on my short film “Cyber Sex.” It’s going to be online within a couple weeks. Footage looks great. I’M PUMPED</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/253881553http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/253881553Sun, 22 Nov 2009 22:57:31 -0500will explain later<img src="http://6.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ktjdsvBUFK1qzq67ko1_400.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>will explain later</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/253648266http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/253648266Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:38:55 -0500No<p>No</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/251161636http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/251161636Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:56:45 -0500Remember when you would put newspaper print on silly putty? It was the original Kindle.<p>Remember when you would put newspaper print on silly putty? It was the original Kindle.</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/251068939http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/251068939Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:58:33 -0500RT @etsteak: “Oprah’s ending her show in 2011. The Mayans’ end of the world...<p>RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/etsteak">etsteak</a>: “Oprah’s ending her show in 2011. The Mayans’ end of the world predictions were off by a year.” - genius</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/251068941http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/251068941Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:58:33 -0500The media continues to go crazy over Apple Tablet rumors, but what would you need a tablet for that...<p>The media continues to go crazy over Apple Tablet rumors, but what would you need a tablet for that an ipod touch/iPhone or laptop can’t do?</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/250072608http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/250072608Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:48:06 -0500I want a job that will give me a company car. Like a taxi cab.<p>I want a job that will give me a company car. Like a taxi cab.</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/248977836http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/248977836Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:31:31 -0500When the AU shuttle driver asks, “Does anyone need Brandywine?” I hear, “Who on...<p>When the AU shuttle driver asks, “Does anyone need Brandywine?” I hear, “Who on the bus is a lazy asshole?”</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/248977843http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/248977843Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:31:31 -0500Life goal: While driving, I never want to see a “Wrong Way” sign that applies to me.<p>Life goal: While driving, I never want to see a “Wrong Way” sign that applies to me.</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/245042104http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/245042104Sun, 15 Nov 2009 14:10:59 -0500Aerosmith is looking for a new lead singer. Whoever replaces him has some big mouth to fill.<p>Aerosmith is looking for a new lead singer. Whoever replaces him has some big mouth to fill.</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/239978402http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/239978402Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:54:44 -0500Stayed up so late, I am crossing paths with successful early-morning people.<p>Stayed up so late, I am crossing paths with successful early-morning people.</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/239081540http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/239081540Tue, 10 Nov 2009 07:14:30 -0500At apple - Customer: So I got married and… Me: Congratulations! C: and we got divorced Me: Oh,...<p>At apple -<br/> Customer: So I got married and…<br/> Me: Congratulations!<br/> C: and we got divorced<br/> Me: Oh, well, nevermind then. I’m sorry.<br/> *awkward*</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/238865592http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/238865592Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:11:18 -0500Groceries got mixed, bought this woman’s Taco Bell taco sauce. While I paid for it, I kind of...<p>Groceries got mixed, bought this woman’s Taco Bell taco sauce. While I paid for it, I kind of feel like a hero for not letting her eat it.</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/234802680http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/234802680Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:10:55 -0500It’s my birthday. And I’m crying. Because I want to.<p>It’s my birthday. And I’m crying. Because I want to.</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/234682760http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/234682760Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:55:43 -0500Credit card company just called me to verify that my 39 dollar supermarket charge was not...<p>Credit card company just called me to verify that my 39 dollar supermarket charge was not fraudelent. THANKS FOR LOOKING OUT.</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/234598530http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/234598530Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:16:41 -0500Mushnight! Episode 2! Search Mushnight on iTunes or watch it on Youtube http://bit.ly/1fZK0w<p>Mushnight! Episode 2! Search Mushnight on iTunes or watch it on Youtube <a href="http://bit.ly/1fZK0w">http://bit.ly/1fZK0w</a></p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/234170498http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/234170498Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:59:42 -0500On my way home to watch my dvr of the World Series tonight. I’m feeling good about the...<p>On my way home to watch my dvr of the World Series tonight. I’m feeling good about the Philies!</p>http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/233624736http://jmush.tumblr.com/post/233624736Thu, 05 Nov 2009 00:39:58 -0500